Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them. --W. Clement Stone
"As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness." -David Henry Thoreau
I go back to e-mail and I get asked what my new blog is so I figured I’d put out, nothing special duh. Please follow me former readers… or new ones. everlovelife.blogspot.com/ Enjoy! (A little freaky that Tumblr remembers me after this long…)
I am leaving Tumblr. Not sure if permanently or not. Tumblr has allowed me to open up and explain many things in many different ways. I feel a little more complete with Tumblr. I have given away too much of me to everyone however and not leaving it up for imagination. I also feel that Tumblr has become way too tacky with people just using pictures and ads and reblogging stuff; there needs to be more originality on a blog site! I am not sure where I will now begin my blogging now but maybe I will share it with you all. Thank you for following me and for reading my blogs. Just like a developing human, I keep changing with time, I will not float the same way as everyone else or as everyone else is saying, I will make my own decisions, I will continue loving myself and making sure that is my priority in order to give love to others, I will only write and tell of the truest of feelings and thoughts because anything else is not worth writing and/or reading, I hope you follow me on my new journey. Live, Love, and Peace.
I wish you could read this but then again I wish you could understand what I am telling you and what I have always been telling you. You are not in the house anymore. I will miss seeing you around the house when I come to visit. I will miss you more now. I wish you the best. As sad as I am right now, I am trying to hold back my tears from knowing how cold the world may be to you but you are responsible for being warmth into this world. Mom always brought light wherever there was darkness, she made everything better, she never lied to us, she taught us only good not the bad (which is why I have a hard time distinguishing good from bad because I wasn’t shown or talked to about the bad).
What we are going through as a family is something that is weighing on all of us. You are a part of this family and it is on you as much as you want to ignore or deny it. You will soon understand what the family is and why it is important to never turn your back on them. I have never neglected the family or ignored them, I will always be there by every family member’s side whenever they need it. The distance I share with the family means nothing, I have provided more help than when I lived in the house or close to it. When you are needed you will hopefully respond to that call.
My mission of freeing people and helping them understand that they are slaves to this system may still be far beyond your rationale of thinking but hopefully you will one day see the stress and the demons that come from work. You started working and were quickly blinded by the rewards, as many are. Some people get blinded later on in life, you were blinded too early which is why it is hard for you to understand this. This part pains me the most because I’m not sure if you will ever wake up from this zombie-work state of mind, I sure hope so.
There is a lot more to say to you but you will see what I have to see when you experience it first hand. Sometimes you have to fail and get hurt a lot apparently (as I’m learning from others) in order to not bust your ass the same way again. In short, I hope to not say goodbye to you but rather a see you later. :) Love you.
Why did a girl like you have to come into my life? Why take my heart and hold it for this long? Why leave me always wanting more? Why miss you more than those who I’ve known for 23 years? Why do I feel teasing? Why do I never stop helping you? Why do I never go to sleep thinking of you sometimes? Why write notes to you that you may never see? Why trust you with my problems? Why call you? Why do I want you to wake me up in the middle of the night? Why do I wish you were next to me every night? Why give you things I know you want/need without you asking? Why write so much and question so much? Why? There is no limit to what I will do for you because I can never ask myself “Why?”. If I ever questioned my love for you I would’ve asked me that question but I know exactly where I stand. If someone ever asked me any of these questions I can answer them all, not with an “I love her” but with answers that are maybe too real for people to understand. I guess the one question I couldn’t answer was from a friend, “Why when people know that they can have something or someone they really want for themselves, someone that makes sense to stay with, why then do they wander and go looking elsewhere when they know what else there is out there?” Maybe one day I can answer that.
I am a credit card away from buying my ticket to Maui or Fiji. I am not sure of which one I prefer more. I guess when the time comes to buy, my gut feeling will have to choose. I am not ready to keep experiencing the negative energies of so many around me. I love humanity too much to not give myself the time to appreciate the beauty of it all. I’ve lived what many may consider their dreams, their fantasies, their goals, all in all I’ve been there and done that in many different scenarios; I guess I’m ready to re-write that page in my life again. As ready as I am to leave, whenever that is, there is a part of me that still believes in the goodness of humanity here. First, let me explain why I am leaving.
I have always stood out as being different and I feel that way too. Different in a weird way though. There are really only a handful of people who understand me 360 degrees, up and down, left and right, and they are all women. My hope for decent, kind, understanding men has been all but put to shame. My point of views sometimes seem to be more from a feminine outlook and that is how I have come to this conclusion. There is something very, very special to understand about women, I have been told many times I am a great listener and a very trustworthy person, attributes you usually find in women more than men. This is one of my reasons. I wish I had really met men who weren’t influenced so easily, but herein also lies my other reason for leaving, not only are men easily influenced, women are too.
Influence is so powerful. In the past month I have influenced at least 10 people enough to have them stop eating meat and animal byproducts. Dude, that’s more people than I was able to switch over to a MAC!!! One of my favorite things is public speaking, you learn so much from eyes I dare call, observant (I am not one to be cynical but in those shoes you sometimes can be). Public speaking is such a fear to so many; I’ve been gifted with wonderful public speaking skills that I get into that somewhat cynical/power-holding mind state where you think “If I can explain this so concisely and persuade the crowd, how can I use this power?” That “power” can be exerted in a cult-like manner in which you can lead the crowd to not only believing what you are saying but begin a lifestyle! I digressed, but in essence I am trying to explain the power one can have with influence, how strong it is, how powerful it can be, how mind-controlling/brain washing, how beautiful it is, how cynical one can be with it, you can lead the crowd along onto anything you present to them. How is a trend/scene started? With a small group of people leading the pack. Let me present this in today’s world: Is it a trend to start drinking, having sex, lie, cheat, and steal? Well, where did you learn all of this from? The same people who learned it from their friends, and now your friends have you doing it too. Influence has played such an impact on me, I have and can only give good influence out. I have no regrets, if I ever were to have one it would be because I influenced possibly just ONE person in a negative manner, it would eat me up knowing that I may have opened either the floodgates to a bad habit or even something common to do. Don’t get me wrong, everyone has their free-will and I would not try to influence someone to do what I am explaining to them, easily put: there is black and white when it comes to influences and following or creating them. In the short time I’ve been alive I have hated seeing so many bad, negative influences being practiced. I plan on coming back with extraordinary influence power on many, however, unfortunately some have been so influenced so wrongly a new, different, good influence is hard to even have them believe it’s true and good for them. In the meantime, I will at least for myself be able to expand and share my influence on the people of Fiji or Maui.
So to summarize my reasoning behind leaving for Fiji or Maui, I wish to give my love to and for a peoples that understands where I’m coming from. I want to come back and free all my people, all those who are as poor but as rich in their heart as me. The reality we are made to believe in this country is a fallacy as much as the lies by those in power and I wish to open the eyes of my people to this fact. I have opened a number of eyes already but my job is never done in that area. However, as the title of this blog says, holding on, I’m holding onto many things I will miss here and it’s hard to disconnect and leave those things.
My mother will be happy that I am happy, I am not sure about my family as a whole, but I at least have one person who will support me, and she’s all I need. She put it best one day when she said “You come to this world by yourself, and that’s how you leave”. To many it sounds grim and dark, but it’s really an open-minded opinion, one to which I have applied. I will miss my family but living in Massachusetts has given me enough power to communicate with them a little more than usual, to make our reunions more memorable and important, to make the time and space between each other feel smaller and smaller.
I will surely miss my friends. I have made some of the best friends while living in Massachusetts. I will miss some more than others, I will make sure to keep in contact with them if possible, I will pray their goodness and use my faith in knowing they are all doing well. I will miss some very special people in my life (you should know who you are by now) but I will only create a new way of connecting with you, whether it be through telepathy or phone communication, I will hold your words and actions forever.
I keep loving myself everyday in every way possible. I am going nowhere and not seeing beauty in anything if I don’t stop and see me for who I am. Gradually I have begun learning that everything on me and about me is what makes me beautiful. There are no imperfections, there are no mistakes, we have been taught that there are. Beauty is so natural. I am so beautiful now that I have stopped eating animal products and byproduct, I feel so much more beautiful too. nothing and no one is in control of how I look. I love all of the things up and down, left to right on me and I wouldn’t change anything for everything.
I get great compliments at work, I even get asked if I’ve done this type of work before because I do it without a worry. Honestly, I feel like leaving one too many times because there are no challenges. I want to grow and expand in many ways and I know I am not doing that here at work. I love what I do but with people wanting things fast and communicating without thinking, I am and have always been too ready for a job.